Marysheila Onyango-Oduor swears that her chicken breast signature meal can change your life. And in whatever way you want it, she says. “Most people say chicken breast is flat, but when I cook it, you won’t stop calling me.”
Cooking is her soul—a craft rather than a chore. From the preparation to the serving, she does not entertain manuals, and she does not consider shortcuts. Like most humans, she grew up making the connection between food and love.
At her office on Nairoibi's 1st Ngong Avenue, where she serves as the first female managing partner at TripleOKLaw (having begun her career here as a pupil), she talks about her idea of a perfect weekend and why Sundays are her holy grail to showcase her culinary career.
I am just me. That is a difficult question. I am a lawyer, a mom, a wife, a sister, and a friend. That’s me.
If I asked your children what you do for work, what would they say?
My daughter would be like, “She works too hard, but she creates time for me.” We have a way—when I tell her I need to focus, she asks what’s in it for me. Then I tell her I shall be able to pick her up, and she tells me to continue working. I always have a to-do list, but I am learning that sometimes doing two things rather than 10 is enough.
What habit has best served you in your life?
Consistency. With consistency, you can make something difficult become a routine. You build experience and resilience.
In what area of your life do you fail to be consistent?
Personal development. If I had the same goals I have for myself as I do with my career, that would be a plus.
What do you mean by personal development?
Going back to school, doing professional courses and working on my profiles online. Just working on me, which does not necessarily have to be related to my career, even if it’s fitness.
When you got this big office, what was that moment like for you?
Initially, I was the deputy managing partner, so some of the things were more of a continuation. The difference then is I am accountable to people, but I report to myself. I have to deliver and be at my best. I try not to work on the weekends so I am not fatigued when I come in during the week. Because of my personality, I feel things much later, or I don’t say, or I don’t show. It is an achievement, but that feeling is yet to come.
Was this your dream growing up in…where did you grow up?
Lang’ata. You know what success is when you are a child and an adult are different things. Last week Friday, we had two senior ladies who had been there and have done it for a while, and I don’t know if one ever “gets there,” you keep aspiring and growing. When things are okay, how do I not get too comfortable? How do we get better? Success is a moving target.
My dream was to be happy.
Which was what?
To lead a comfortable life. I never thought about a family, but now I have one. We were six children, and we were always hosting another six or ten. Everyone was at our house during the holidays, and my mom loved it…
And you?
I didn’t mind; I was very playful. By 7am, I was out of the house. If I had chores, I was efficient—quickly doing them and being the first one out. If you needed people to play, I’m your girl.
Has that changed? Are you still playful?
I am, but when you are told to grow up, you outgrow some things. In high school, three-quarters of the guys had gone to boarding school, so you just sat at home, and that is one of the worst parts about growing up.
Earlier, you had mentioned that you’d never thought about a family. What changed?
I take life as it comes. You meet someone, you get married, you have children. And now I am like, what next?
What tips do you have for surviving parenthood?
Wow, that is even more difficult than the career. It’s the one thing you don’t want to get wrong. Just like your career, do everything to make it work. Read, find other parents, and work on your relationship with your children and spouse. As a mother, you cannot delegate your relationships.
In what ways has motherhood changed you?
Haha! We were talking about it in the ladies’ WhatsApp group. I am responsible for two people, and because my background is in family matters, I have to think about how I relate with them and how I impact their lives. The problem with what you do, and seeing how succession matters go, and the day he is not there, what do I need to do to continue providing for them? It is the one legacy that's key and important to me: how they turn out.
Does that affect how you run your family? Do you carry work home, so to speak?
We are always working. But sometimes it is necessary to be working, if the flexibility allows it. Because I do family matters, I am intentional in working on my relationships and making the most of them.
How are you raising your children differently from how you were raised?
Sometimes, they want to challenge me and ask, “Who does that?” and I say that used to be my mom. We never had gadgets; we were lucky to have a computer since my mom was a secretary. We never fought for gadgets. My son is now 16, and he knows much more than I do. Everything I try to limit his screen time doesn’t work, so we just sit and negotiate. I have to be proactive to be aware of the trends.
What parts of yourself do you see in your mom?
Wow. Nothing was impossible for my mom, especially for us, her children and relatives. I think that is me; I always have a Plan A to Z, and things have to work. If you are committed to doing something, you do it. My mom worked hard, and she had high standards for us—our lifestyles, school, church, and how we related to people. We were five girls and a boy, separated by a year age difference.
When we became teenagers and she’d see boys hovering around, she’d develop a strategy—during the holidays, there was a lot of food in the house, there was nowhere we would go; even those boys would come to our house where she can see them [chuckles].
What message do you think your parents would want you to pass on to your children?
Integrity. Once you have it, people will know what to bring to you and what not to bring to you, and they’ll brand you accordingly.
What did you grow up believing that has since changed?
That just working hard equals money. You have to be smart in everything you do. That’s where leadership comes in. Every lawyer is working hard toward the basics, but what do you need to do to have an edge over your peers? When the market changes, what do you need to do to remain afloat? That is what people at the firm want you to tell them as a leader. You must have a strategy, and that strategy works in your favour.
Two, what you want to implement, you must believe in, and you must drive it, and the people will follow you. Some people are followers, they just need a leader who shows them where they are going—they despair when there is no direction from the top.
Most lawyers are known to be poker-faced, tough-talking, and with a stiff upper lip. How do you strip away the titles and take care of Marysheila?
I have been Marysheila in most of my relations. When I get to my house, I can’t say I am a CEO; no, I am in charge, and that is my house. If I can get time to watch TV for just 30 minutes with no interruptions, that is a plus. I love cooking, but I only get to do it on weekends. I ensure I cook a meal for my family every Sunday, and they all look forward to it. My son is in weekly boarding, and he likes to say, “Mom make extra; I am carrying for my friends” haha! It’s the small things.
What’s your signature Marysheila meal?
Chicken breast, whatever way you want it.
Do you have a family ritual?
[chuckles] How we spend Christmas. What I did before and after I got married is the same: spending time with the family.
Family seems important to you…
It is because of my upbringing. The constant support.
Are you still close with your siblings?
Way too close that I make sure my husband is as close to them as I am. He fits in so well that when my mom was sick in the past, I’d feel left out.
This is a potential curveball question: for a high-achieving woman like yourself, how important has having a supportive husband been?
Extremely important. If I were to discuss with ladies starting their careers, I would tell them to spend more time dating and choosing a partner. You don’t want your family and career competing if you can. Sometimes, the balance comes in the choice of a spouse, how you relate, and your spouse being flexible about some things.
I have a habit of working late, but there are so many times my husband would come and pick me up—there are Ubers, I can drive, I have a driver, etc, but he says, even if I am asleep, wake me up, I shall come for you. He does homework with the children most of the time, and he says that whatever I do after 5pm, he shall support me.
When we were younger, he told me he would not push me to go to church; he only asked me to prepare our son, and as long as there was food and milk, he would go. Didn’t I find myself in church? Haha! Because he was so comfortable and he is a good father. His commitment to me includes me thriving in everything I do, including my job, and for that, I am grateful.
And I am a family lawyer, so I don’t take it for granted that he is like that. I thank God for him, and I pray for him. If I can raise my children so that there are more hims and mes, and especially hims, what more would I want?
All marriages are bespoke, but what is the oil that has kept yours running?
We are friends. My husband is structured and believes any problem is to be discussed and gotten over. The sooner we say it, the better. It has taught me to be open.
What is the most important question someone has asked you?
Fees. When they ask me, Is this enough? And I say, no…but…[chuckles].
What’s your superpower?
Composure.
Who do you know that I should know?
Doreen Tiren. She used to be here, my junior. She has been through a lot, but she is resilient. She is currently a Principal Legal Counsel, Risk and Compliance at KCB Bank Group. If you want to know resilience, look for her.
